a dangerous word.

my self-deprecating self-talk looks something like this:

“i should be doing better because i’m capable of doing so.”

“i should be more like the people around me because they’re doing better than i am.”

“i should feel normal.”

“i should get out of bed, but i don’t want to.”

should statements will be the death of me.


should illustrates a risk of failure. what if i don’t do better? what if i’m not like other more seemingly successful people? what if i’m not normal? what if i don’t get out of bed? what if i make a mistake? what happens then?

what ifs make my head spin. what ifs will also be the death of me.


should implies shame. should derives from guilt. should is a judgmental bitch. should is also a figment of the imagination.